Me Too, Gamz
by Jamtav
Summary: He turned his head on his pillow, and his eyes immediately caught the green light of his digital alarm clock on his dresser. It was 2:30 am, and Tavros Nitram could not sleep. Tavros recalls his embarrassing day where he continually tried to let his feelings for Gamzee be known but kept failing miserably. T for language.


**Basically I just wanted Tavros trying to hit on Gamzee, but it doesn't work no matter how hard he tries because Gamzee doesn't think that Tavros could ever reciprocate his feelings. There was nothing like that out there, so I wrote some myself. Enjoy!**

He turned his head on his pillow, and his eyes immediately caught the green light of his digital alarm clock on his dresser. It was 2:30 am, and Tavros Nitram could not sleep. He was thinking of resorting to medication, even though pills were on his list of least liked things in the entire universe. No matter how hard he tried, he could never swallow them; he always ended up either spitting them out or having the most vile taste in his mouth for hours. He didn't understand how Gamzee could just pop and go like that all of the time, no water or anything. Tavros groaned as he thought of his friend and turned over again to stare at the wall.

Gamzee was the topic of which his mind had chosen to latch onto ever since he had come home from said person's house. And yeah, he had a crush on Gamzee, and he didn't care to make a big deal of it. He decided from the very start of his feelings that the dilemma wasn't going to be one of those sappy teenager movies where the girl is constantly internally struggling with her feelings. "Do I like him? No, it _can't_ be!"

However, he did have _some_ internal struggles with the matter, but they were less "what?" and more "why?". Yes, he enjoyed Gamzee's company, and he considered him one of his best friends, if not the very best. He loved hanging out with him, and he loved rapping and joking with him, but romantic feelings were certainly questionable when he looked at Gamzee and everything he was. Just because he loved being _around_ Gamzee didn't necessarily mean he _loved_ Gamzee. Because, let's face it, Gamzee's medications made Tavros uncomfortable, his hair was disgusting, the weird religion he practiced scared Tavros a little (though he was still supportive and respectful when it was brought up), and he always smelled like an odd mixture of goats and grapes.

Was it just because Gamzee treated him like a human being? He always thought he had a thing for people who acknowledged his existence. Talk about attractive. He blamed Vriska for the fact that he fell for anyone who so as much listened to what he had to say. Then again, he had been blaming her for almost everything as of late, even though she apologized ages ago for all the bullshit she did, and he had forgiven her. Tavros decided that it was his turn to be an asshole for a while, so this is how he fufilled that decision, by mentally cursing Vriska everytime he did something stupid.

He mentally punched himself in the face as he thought of the stupid thing he had done that day over at Gamzee's house.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Tavros, do a motherfucker a favor and pass me some of that wicked broth that be restin' beside you," Gamzee's rumbly, friendly voice requested from Tavros' side.<p>

"Yeah, man, that I can certainly do," Tavros replied with a smile, reaching over to a small end table that sat beside the couch and grabbing the room temperature bottle of bubbly soda. He tossed it weakly but apparentally strong enough for it to go crashing into Gamzee's face, smearing the make up on his forehead a little bit. Tavros' eyebrows raised, and his mouth opened in surprise, meaning to apologize but instead laughing. The bottle hit the floor, and Gamzee started cracking up, holding his nose and leaning forward, laughing so hard tears formed on the outer edges of his eyes.

"Shiiiiiiiiit, bro. That was fucking hilarious," he said, straightening up and wiping a tear from his left eye.

"Sorry," Tavros snickered, relaxing and reclining against the couch once more.

"It's all good in the hood, my brother," Gamzee forgave, reaching down to grab the elixir from the carpet.

"Wow, never say that again," Tavros teased, turning his attention back to the television, where the two were currently watching one of Tavros' favorite childhood shows, _Teen Titans_. Actually, who was he kidding? This was one of his favorite shows _now_. With such good characterization and plot, who wouldn't like this show?

While Tavros always really liked Beast Boy, Gamzee had this odd connection and appreciation for Terra, so they naturally watched all of the episodes with the two in them. Everytime they watched the part where Terra said goodbye to Beast Boy, Gamzee would tear up and glance at Tavros every couple of seconds, muttering things like "so motherfucking sad" and "shit's fucked up" under his breath. And Tavros always found it really sweet and endearing that when the episode was over, Gamzee would always tell him variations of, "Man, you have no idea how happy it makes me knowin' I'll always have you around as a friend." Tavros would always shoot back a little, "Me too, Gamz.", and even though it wasn't much, he knew it meant the world to Gamzee.

Tavros turned away from the scene currently displayed; he had already seen this episode a hundred times, and it wasn't even a really good one. He looked at Gamzee, who seemed to be super interested and focused, even though Tavros knew that Gamzee had seen this episode as many times as he had. Feeling bored, deprived of affection, and a little more confident than usual, Tavros decided to try to get his crush's attention. After all, he had come over with the intention to tell Gamzee of his feelings via _seduction_, but he got side-tracked by watching nerdy cartoons and eating desserts, which by the way were fucking _fantastic_. He knew it was going to go smoothly, because he believed if he believed that it would go smoothly, then it would go smoothly. It would be just like in the movies where the hero tells his love interest that they're beautiful, and then they passionately embrace while the sun sets and make out a little bit. It would go exactly like that.

Tavros cleared his throat quietly, muttering a quick, "Step one." Then, he turned his head towards Gamzee and asked in a confident, deeper than usual voice, "Do you mind if I have a drink of your Faygo?"

Gamzee made a little, "huh?" sound and looked up from the TV to Tavros. Then what Tavros said clicked, and he replied, "Oh. Well, shit, under other circumstances I would be more than happy to share with a brother, but I've been feeling kind of sick recently, and I don't want you to get all sick and gross because this clown here neglected to warn you about his little cold. Plus, it's fuckin' winter; nasty ass germs be spreading everywhere, infectin' people left and right. Don't want you gettin' sick, do we?" He smiled a little bit.

"Oh, yeah. No, it's fine. Totally cool. Don't worry about it," Tavros replied awkwardly. Who knew Gamzee would be so uptight about germs?

"There's some new bottles in the fridge if you dig," Gamzee offered, gesturing towards the kitchen with his thumb and looking back at the TV.

Tavros slumped against the couch again and rested his chin into the palm of his hand, elbow on the arm of the couch, "No, it's fine. I just wanted a taste. I don't want to open a new one if I'm only going to drink a little of it."

"Suit yourself," Gamzee muttered, invested in the TV screen once more.

"Step one failed," Tavros whispered, making a disappointed face and glancing towards the kitchen. "Plan B."

He cleared his throat, getting some of Gamzee's attention, "I don't mean to interupt, that is to be abrupt, but I certainly have some feelings to kick, that is if I don't get sick..." He looked away for a moment and added, "From nervousness, I mean."

Gamzee turned to him with a lazy grin and a somewhat curious glint in his eyes, "Brother, I don't mean to be a curmudgeon, what with your confident pants on, not to mention your sudden brawn, but shit, I've noticed you're awkward, not really a shocker, but around me you've altered. Been wonderin' for a while, so spit your bile and cure this clown's curious; it's makin' me furious."

The two grinned at each other, even though the topic on hand seemed kind of serious. Tavros took a deep breath, smiling as he continued, "I don't know; can you handle it? This part's kind of hard to admit, not meaning to throw a fit."

"Haha, fuuuuuck! Yeah, throw it at me, brother," Gamzee replied, all of his attention on Tavros now.

"Ryhmes cheesier than a nacho, not very macho, but you make me feel better about my paralysis, so let me voice my... analysis? Uh... My point is you're great, with your lack of hate and your plethora of faith. It keeps a guy on his feet... metaphorically, of course... Wow, I don't remember at all where I was going with that, and it was kind of terrible."

"No! No! Keep going, man, you were doin' great. I'm clinging to every word," Gamzee encouraged, leaning forward, all smiles.

"I guess I'll just cut to the chase, maybe quicken the pace; I need a minute to brace, be a little out of place, but fuck that I'm ace."

"Shiiiiiiiit!" Gamzee laughed, taking a swig of his tooth-decaying beverage.

"I guess what I'm trying to say, don't let me stray; enough with this delay, and hey, you can drink your syrupy brew; let me spit it out: I really l-like you," Tavros said quickly, rubbing his elbow up and down nervously.

"Awwww, shit, Tav. That's real motherfuckin' nice of you to say. Fuckin' sweeter than this frosty beverage, man," Gamzee said warmly, sliding over on the couch to his companion, wrapping his arms around him and giving him a nice squeeze, "You're all up and my best friend too, Tavros."

"Oh. Oh, yeah. B-Best friends. Definitely... What I meant... Heh," Tavros wrapped his arms loosely around Gamzee's torso, resting his head on his shoulder. He felt hopeless now, all of his courage drained out of him. For a sliver of a moment, he thought about correcting Gamzee, blurting out his true feelings black and white, not hiding behind some lame excuse for a rap. But that thought faded quickly, and he was left with the feeling of defeat. He gave up. He went home a hour later and crawling in his bed with his laptop, so crushed he didn't even bother to tell Aradia.

* * *

><p>"I really like you," Tavros had said. He really liked Gamzee. Gamzee's heart tore out of his chest, did a summersault, and backflipped back into place; he was so elated. Then, he got a clue. Tavros didn't like Gamzee the way Gamzee liked Tavros. Gamzee had already decided a long time ago that paradox space had decided that it wasn't meant to be. They weren't meant to be together as more than bros; that's what Gamzee had been telling himself ever since they were kids, ever since his crush first bloomed. Everyone opened up his eyes, made him realize how he was trash, how Tavros didn't deserve someone like him. He was just a stoner clown with no future who would weigh Tavros down the way cement blocks weighed down a dead body in a lake, and they weren't wrong.<p>

He realized that Tavros wasn't expressing his love for Gamzee; he was expressing his friendship, because Gamzee had probably done something to make him worry. Was he not paying enough attention to him? Was he more spacey than usual? Shit, Tavros was just trying to make him feel better, that's all. What a saint.

So, Gamzee replied with a reassuring, "That's real motherfuckin' nice of you to say." and a nice, warm embrace that wasn't for Tavros as much as it was for him. It tore him up inside when he had to pull away, constantly reminding himself that it was a _friendship_ hug, and those don't last too long. It made him phsychially _ache_ to see Tavros' face. He looked so disappointed, but Gamzee read it as concerned.

Gamzee curled up on his couch, burying his head in the uncomfortable pillow that resided beside him, the TV off and forgotten. Tavros sure was playing mind games with him for a while there, making his heart jump and loop around in his rib cage a couple of times. When he asked for a sip of Gamzee's Faygo, Gamzee just couldn't let him have a sip, making up some excuse about germs or some shit. He wasn't too sure what he actually said, just spit something out. He had read somewhere that drinking after someone was like an indirect kiss, and it got him all flushed and bothered like some bimbo in a Japanese cartoon just thinking about it. He couldn't let it happen though.

Gamzee groaned and rolled over, looking up at the ceiling.

Tavros sighed and rolled over, looking up at the ceiling.

It was 3 am, and they couldn't sleep.


End file.
